From: elfkin on May 03 04, 13:06
Anybody else out there going through mid-life confusion? I am. I wouldn't exactly call it a mid-life crisis because that's a little too dramatic and drama is something I gave up a long time ago.
But definitely confusing. Entering the early stages of menopause. Feeling like a teenager as I watch my body have its own emotional life at certain times of the month. Thankfully, am grounded enough to usually just sort of step back and watch as the hormones play with my emotions and tell myself, Okay. This is your body talking. If you still feel that way in a couple of days you can consider doing something about that. But, until then, you can have that emotion but you can't act on it.
Re-evaluating my life in the middle of this hormonal dance is a tricky process. Find myself wanting to make major changes, knowing I need to make a few, but not trusting myself quite as fully as I usually do.
I'm lonely for the first time in my life. Not quite sure how that happened. Pulled back from community to do some self-healing for a while. A good thing. But in doing so, lost nearby community. Know it's time to reconnect, need to reach out and reform community but not feeling like myself as I try... Feeling shy and a little insecure and having rarely experienced those particular emotions, don't quite know how to work with them. My long distance friends from other places I've lived are supportive but don't quite get it cause they can't really imagine me being shy or insecure.
Find myself thinking it'd be easier to just start over somewhere entirely new. Though the community where I live is so transient it is almost entirely new. Maybe another country. Maybe some place where people are less transient. Or are all communities transient these days? Moved here about eight years ago and when I was more active in the community, seems like every few years almost everyone I'd connected with gradually all up and moved elsewhere.
Find myself assessing my life, pondering lifelong dreams that I haven't pursued, wondering which ones I need to let go, which ones I need to hurry up and do something about.
Anybody else dancing with similar life processes?